Friday, June 29, 2012

I miss your voice

I miss your voice like 
plants miss sunlight in the night
I miss your voice like
shoes miss pavement on saturdays
I miss your voice like
I'd miss winter during Christmas in Australia
I miss your voice like
the dry parts of sandy shores miss the kisses of the ocean 
I miss your voice like
Batman misses his parents

I miss your voice

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Ocean Shores and Crashing Waves

She holds the ocean in her eyes. And the sound of crashing waves in her voice. Her skin, only part of the surface, sand on the shores. She breathes life, just in the way she is - the essence of living, the beauty of existing, speaks and flows, radiates, from her being. Everything she has been designed as, imperfections and all, has created something perfect. She holds the key to my heart, unlike any other. She sees through to my soul, speaking to me in ways even she is unaware of; subtle, the voice of her existence whispers, finely, into my ear and down to my heart. It has dug itself a home within my chest.


Or has it?


Has this cavern always been? Knowing that one day, she would come about, and rest in my soul?


Oh and how she rests. Her spirit tightly wraps itself within the cracks and crevasses of my being, becoming part of who I am. I can hear her voice now, and oh, how it's the only voice I long to hear - again and again.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Blueprints

Night had consumed day, and the lights on the buildings had given a hopeful sort of tint, like white christmas lights during winter - a sepia haze, sure and confident. I was in the midst of fleeing, trying to find the blueprints of my most profound, successful ideas. They laid scattered, a heaping mess of papers on the floor, in a small room on the side of a building. I heard a voice, as if telepathically, yet involuntarily; I heard the voices of others wanting my blueprints. The voices said, "Notes, notes, notes... make sure he gives you the notes".


A man had accompanied me to find the papers. He was waiting outside the door, watching my every move. I initially felt he was there for support, but after hearing the voices, I knew he was there for another reason. He wanted my success. He was playing his part in a great scheme to rob me of my imagination - plans and projects I had set in motion. I thought I knew him. Clearly I didn't.


After digging around a bit, I made it look like I grabbed the notes. I handed him the faux papers, fooling him and his greedy ways. He fled as soon as he could, knowing his "innocent" appearance had been broken. A bus came to the front of the building, in which he got on and left. I turned and looked at the chaotic flurry of papers on the floor, and soon found the ones that gave birth to the physical manifestations of my ideas; I had in my hands the blueprints to my future.


A beautiful young lady, with dark brown hair, in a caramel colored dress, had been keeping an eye on me earlier that night. She found me here, and gave me a look only an old friend could give, someone who cared deeply but had always kept a distance. She was a silent signature in my life, permanent but waiting for the right moment to make her sound evident. She was waiting for the right moment to make our sound evident. For the feeling was mutual, and she knew it; my nature, and role in her life, mimicked hers in mine.


I picked up the papers and saw her there, waiting, speaking without words in the way she moved, the way she looked at me. Her very essence engaged a conversation with mine, speaking things I could never translate, things so wonderful, yet so subtle and sure. As our eyes finished what felt like a lifetime of conversation, my mouth opened and I spoke. Sound was evident. I said, "I got it, I have the blueprints" and she looked at me with the most grateful and proud look I had ever seen anyone give in exchange for words. The smile she gave grew big on her fair, bronzed skin.


Her glow was radiant that night.


Or was it always?


I looked at her and asked her to come nearer. Being silly, I moved my finger for her to come closer my way. She did so, in an unmistakable blushing manner. Our faces, three feet apart, I had her come closer - to the point where I could feel her breath on my face. And before she could say a word, knowing that she wouldn't, I leaned in swiftly, and met my lips with hers. We embraced a trade of emotions that had been held in for years on end. It was an intimate conversation amidst the curves of our mouths, yet weighing with meaning of so much more.


Movement continued in time that stretched like hours, but sat as mere seconds. I opened my eyes to see her face graciously pull away from mine. Her eyes had been lit aflame, captivated and curious. That look in her eyes... that feeling in my chest... she had become a thief.


Following the moments of my heart being stolen, time had seemed to slow - but only for me. It was because, somehow, I knew the time I had left with her was withering; the consciousness of this dream was carving its place in memory, preparing to fade away. It was all only a dream, yet all so real. The final moments of being in her presence soothed my soul, halted the stirring in my bones and the worry in my mind. I soaked in the sight I was seeing, a sepia haze gleaming. Sure and confident, I knew I would see her again.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Untamed

I'm tied down in thought
as my soul spills out
using my heart as a door
talking feels like screaming
as emotion pours out
bleeding love on the floor
it stains, yet abstains from stopping
breathing your name
a rapid beat in my chest
pumping, untamed

Monday, June 18, 2012

a smile
a stare
a short conversation
it's funny how 
the radiance of beauty
can amplify your own loneliness
shut you quiet
holding your chest
as
your heart drops
sinks
inches upon inches
longing

but I still have a question:

why?
why does loneliness
confront
the loving soul
to the point where it feels like
a lonely soul?

Friday, June 15, 2012

a bountiful breeze ate my soul this morning
as I stood on the soft silken sand of this shore
the wind continued to take me away
motionless, my body halted
my mind, drifting within the distance
traveled faster than the wisps above the sand
it found home
home

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Embrace the burn

I'm sharpening the round
Pushing myself as close to the edge as possibly can
without falling
Saying goodbye to Mr. Sloth
And hello to Me
A rebirth is occurring
Sewing up spots torn
It's something we all must learn:
Stop flinching,
And embrace the burn
-
My hands move without control, a mind of their own. They reach up as I awake from slumber. All ten fingers pointing towards my face. Motionless, I watch as they reach for the skin on my bones. They scrape and peel, every inch, digging for something mute. Yet, they hear its voice. I hear it too. The sound of its humming drowns the sound of my screams, as shock consumes me. Finally, they grab a hold of something I've always felt. Something I've never seen. My soul. 

Saturday, June 2, 2012

I pass the time spilling words into an abyss. Spewing them effortlessly, but they fall in place. My tongue moves to no one. My tongue moves for someone. Someone who can't hear me. Yet it does not stop. It does not give up. Because something still sits like a spine in the soft tissue, backing the notion that that someone is hearing every word spilt. It's like whispering into darkness, just to get it out.

Monday, May 28, 2012

After bathing
in depths
of emotion
thought
ways of living
It's nice
to dry off
with simplicity

Monday, May 14, 2012

Destiny

I will not succumb to your standards
I will not falter, nor pander
for your ways
I will stand for myself
I will stand for my own
And embrace the obstacles to come
Following my nature, straight home
These breaths grow weary, yet bold
Don't you see?
This is merely the beginning
To one of the greatest stories ever told
My story
One of dreams and tragedies
Sharp stories, matched to me
Of decisions and outcomes, awry
But definitive in motion
Relentlessly chasing the notion, of destiny

empty spheres

to cry without tears
all that release, are moans
short in tones, whispers and sighs escape
anchors tied to thoughts, flee from your mouth and onto the ground
holding one purpose, to tie you down
to all that has consumed your mind
filled your heart with ache
and what is it you take?
deep breaths, because right now it's all you can hold
your focus being molded, by the past
by what the future could have
if only, you'd make a move

A Siren's Song.

I've been hearing tunes of my own
Singing along, singing alone
Sailing the seas, of which I have yet to know
Until the winds swayed me to parts familiar
Uncomfortable, I heard a voice there
Sounding foreign in nature
But singing a tune, I once may have knew
A voice, haunting, yet so beautiful
The truth is though
I couldn't decipher, the cries I heard
Was it her?
Or the Siren that had taken her place?
Her voice, ravashing
Echoed from my ears to my heart
I could not look away, yet the urge to part
Scraped and pulled at me inside, as her song continued

Saturday, April 21, 2012

undone and sure

and then like that
white emerged from black
you took my hand and we spat back
nothing the same
everything new
simple and sweet
this is me falling for you

we took off our shoes

dirty and worn
from our journeys before
pants rolled up
feet on the floor
feeling the gravel
this is how we travel
undone and sure

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Her Secret: Patience.

Your heart spoke to me
                             today
Sung a song so true
It told me to remain patient
And wait
for
    you
I'm kissing your silhouette
                  tonight
As I shrivel
              blue
I stand tall
             thinking of you
Tracing the outline of your heart
                 Your love
              Next to mine
I can only imagine the love created for us
         Surpassing definition - Divine

Elegant Shadows

Her hair, like black silk, kept a life of its own. My fingers ran through it as my eyes tried to keep up. Her eyes were minimally moving, gawking in small circles, studying the mold skin had taken over my bones. My hands moved down to the sides of her face until my palms were hugging her cheeks. She was real. She was there. Pouring out affection without saying a word. She was so close that I could feel the vibrations of her beating heart next to mine. I closed my eyes, only for a moment, only to open them once more and realize she was gone. All communication, spoken and unspoken, left in the fringe of my mind. I was out of time. Sleep had done its job; resting my body and leaving me with nothing but the sweet memories of elegant shadows.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Eviction

I was comfortable in my own home
until the day you knocked on my door
with your, guns and brutality
You claimed mortality, upon my own security
until your reason defined nothing but obscurity
destroying everything in sight, giving me no option but to flee
I did everything I could to please your needs
but it was never enough, you still felt the need to evict me

I'm now gone, and drawn onto a road of my own
searching for a new home
not looking back, and learning from the facts
from all actions taken, present and shown

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Only being.

She walked the night with no destination. The moonlight gleamed upon her faint blue hair, in the way mist hugs the curves of waterfalls. She needed to get out, to explore the nature of the world around her. A corner of that world had been concealing her for far too long. Her heart craved the outside, the liveliness of the night. She walked, step by step, breathing in the evident life of the city around. Her feet, paired like two kids on a field trip, wandered together, following one another. Safely but surely, their curiosity drove their ambition to proceed. It was easy for her to relax this way. By seeing things she had never seen, exploring places she had never been, her mind went limp in comfort. All thoughts, mellowed. All worries, gone. The only thing that spoke was her heart's appreciation for all she was now enduring. 


She would go home that night, lay in her bed and be consumed by thought and possible worry, once more. But for now, this was all that mattered. No speaking. No thinking. No worry. 


Only listening. Only accepting. Only being. 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Misty Kisses

To wander the night
Under the stars
On a blanket of sand
Is where I stand
I know not the destination, or theme of journey
Only that it is for me

As dots of energy in the black abyss above light my way

The witching hour kindly kisses my face
with her brisk lips, only to drip
the sense of completeness

Monday, April 2, 2012

Ghostly Disease

You don’t please me, you tease me, yet greet me with ease
What is it you long for?
A cure to your Ghostly Disease?
You try to dance with my spirit, take what I breathe
Yet there is nothing left for you to breathe
For your body that required air is long gone
You’re nothing but a Ghost to me
Still in my presence, but not in sight
Of my heart or my mind
Yet you keep trying, time after time
To dance with my spirit
With your Ghostly Disease

Don’t you get it? I don’t want to tango,
not since you first let this good man go.
I can’t keep step with one who can’t place foot on my earth
But for what it’s worth, you’re responsible
For this new birth.
I’ve transcended the old life;
no longer am I grounded;
So you can take back your waiting hand
and put it in your pocket where you found it.
I’m alive and living in this New World with ease
I won’t be killed by your Old World Ghostly Disease.


 Phamista: normal
flawsstitchedwithgoodintentions: italics 

Monday, March 26, 2012

Scraping the Story of My Life.

I just want to love you. Nothing more,
nothing less.
Your caress, drives me insane.
I'm screaming out your name.
Yet, you don't hear a thing. I'm running in circles,
while you're running away.
Can I do anything
to make you stay?



Wednesday, March 14, 2012

My love: A stranger.

I write to you, my love
you, who wanders through the thickness of this world
guided and misguided by your heart
I write to you, my love
you, who goes on with courage
as the chatter of this world spreads like a fog
I write unto you, the one I love
as your identity may change
take a shifting in names
though I hope it is still the same
of which I call out in the night
my love



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Vena amoris

a symbol of love, balanced with jagged edges
black and silver, encircles the finger
one wrong move, skin slit
blood drawn, straight from the heart
vena amoris



Heart to Heart: Third Note.

she smiles, with a wink and a nod
she says shes just being silly
but i can see the facade;
your heart is silently seeking
mine is as well
let me keep you
open up your shell



Heart to Heart: Second Note.

would you let me reach within
to embrace your being
all that you are
forever and always



Heart to Heart: First Note.

Can I love you
Would you let me
steal your heart away
right out of your bones
I promise I'll take good care of it
I'll give it a home
right next to mine, first shelf on the left
that way, when your hands explore the torso
that protects my love
you'll feel the beating of two hearts
yours, and mine



The Fire.

Why is it my heart is always hungry for another
Roaring louder than my stomach ever could
I lose myself within the chaos of structured silence
laying on what seems could most easily be understood
but distance keeps persistent, consistant in keeping me alone
I keep my chin up, but it's hard you know?
When all you truly desire, is simply
the fire
burning, warming, and melting your soul
the fire
made in the momentum of two hearts growing old, together
the fire
of a love you and I have yet to know

I feel the flame, whistling within

grazing the very walls of my chest
seeking an escape, a binding ignition with another
I suppose only time and faith know best



Saturday, March 10, 2012

screaming simplicity


Your being

falls in between expectations of mine
leaving me puzzled
intrigued by your 
design

the innocence

of a yes
           or a no
falls swiftly
               in between the emotions you show

Your eyes speak of grayscale, loss of color

loss of ourselves, within each other

its seems

       nothing is as it seems



A letter to my love:

Where are you?
Does your heart currently rest in the hands of another?
Does it rest alone?
Does it ache for my love, like mine does for yours?
I miss you, though the knowledge of your identity is concealed
the knowledge of your being is evident
I long for it; I long for you
One day the embracement of our hearts will feed each other's thirst 
compliment each other's being, indulge the love we've always sought
such a day will be graced with glory, wonder
such a day will rest within all that I am, forever
wherever you are, know that I love you
I always have
I always will
Just as you love me
Just as you always have
Just as you always will
for our love has always been,
it's never begun; it's never ended.
Our love holds boundless opportunity, routes we'll pursue together
without fear; without shame
we'll behold this name
as one.
Hold tight my dear,
we'll find each other soon.

I love you,

               Sincerely,
                              Caleb



Thursday, March 8, 2012

Grand Theft

As I lay in this bed
I trace the ridges of this hole in my chest
the one you left
when you stole my heart.
You committed grand theft
perjury
and got away.
Why is it
I'm the one to pay
for your wrongs
left longing
aching
destroyed.



Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Collection.

Observation:
I'm dancing with darkness
its plain to see
I'm playing with absence
violently
Finding frontiers in the back of my mind
loose cannons, explosions
In time
where are you? gone.
But thats fine,
with you.

--


Note:

Lose yourself, fall swiftly into the shadows that surround
let them entangle you, 
Swallow you.
but take control
They can be your best friend
if you let them
See you whole.





Friday, March 2, 2012

indigo fog

feel the sting
feel the fire
feel the burning desire
leaving you awake, in the torment
of your own mind.
lorn, in the middle of the night
you seek what you cannot find
hold what you will not seek
why is it you lie so meek?
stop, and breathe
this, indigo fog.



Thursday, March 1, 2012

paper hearts

we fell like paper hearts
drifting in the wind, spit by mother
scorned by father
you fell on me, our paper skin accepting the feeble ridges of each other
unexpected, gray tore through blue
ripping through, silently
leaving our bodies soaked, stuck to one another
now wet paper, torn by time
frail and scarred, bloodless
done



Sunday, February 26, 2012

Midnight Sepia.

Have I been writing to a ghost? 
Sleeping silently with all the words that mean most
I've fallen 
fallen
breezy, a hazy nothing
an empty case, scripted in image
livid, in chains
living, in chains
bound by my own being, I have forgotten how to live.

But Your light has shown, screeching through all that I've known

You've cut these chains. Set me free. 
Under the moonlit night, bound by Your love
Bound by Your being.

A Midnight Sepia, seeping.




Saturday, February 25, 2012

nameless

I've never loved anyone, the way I love you.
Intricate, the composite of your being
buries under my skin.
Wherever you breathe, I naturally catch your breath.

I'll never love anyone, the way I love you.


Friday, February 10, 2012

tie me down

fighting, free
but so hopeless
helpless
have you ever felt down as you were flying so high?
someone tie me down
keep me still
i can't seem to escape myself



thickness gone

where has my thickness gone
lost
lengthy
no justice
fallen short to a slim
shade of white
a blank canvas 
floating like a kite
with no words
only emotion, spilled upon its existence
white ink, on a white page
red blood, in a red pool
spilled surely, slaughtered in silence
but who's to know but the victim?
for the victim's only a victim of himself.



Tuesday, February 7, 2012

pleas(e)

i walk under green, into abstract blue
am i losing myself, or is it you?
things remain stale, but still hold true
i just wish it was all enough for you
tell me, please
can't you hear my pleas?
what more can i do?
than offer my love 
for you?


fatigued love

what are we doing?
why won't you dig into the depths of me anymore?
into the depths of us?
have you lost all hope
faith
the very thing engraved in your bones
you seem to dig only into the darkening depths of yourself now
and you won't let me in
you let me see
but its a place unwelcoming


i love you


why do those three words sound so pathetic 
pouring from my mouth
my heart
is it simply because i've spewed too much?
have you grown tired of my ways?
of me? 




i know who you are
its why i love you


this is who i am
am i not worth pursuit?






you're tired


and i can't seem to help.




Wednesday, February 1, 2012

undone

these tidal waves, come and go
the sky always gray, as the cool wind blows
i see you now, but how do i know?
that you see me, on this sand
as white as snow
will you keep me, or let me go?
either way
i feel i'll never know
i've grown used to this
loneliness
its become a good friend of mine
always on track, always on time
like the lines, that shape silhouettes
defined
yet without filling detail
is that what i've become?


just another shadow undone?






Wednesday, January 25, 2012

movement in the fog

lost and unsure
of this person i am
i scream with no breath
but energy to do so, overflows



from miles at a distance.

hopes for now
hopes for tomorrow
where have they gone?
they seem to stare me in the face
from miles at a distance
are they even real anymore?
it seems i've wandered towards their presence
for so long
are the images my eyes hold, real?
or are they merely mirages I'd die for?
am i crazy?
or just too passionate for the world around me?


how long can i live like this?


A late night love note:

Where do I begin? Without sounding so cliché? You mean so much to me, I don't think you'll ever truly know. Even if I were to spend the rest of my days by your side, it still wouldn't be enough time to show you, to explain, to level understanding of just how much you mean to me. It wouldn't be enough. But it'd be the best yet. And oh, so close. The grace of your existence weighs in my heart, balancing all thought and emotion. You keep me sane, yet ignite the insane to roll off my tongue and spill from my heart. Because with you, for you, I dare to do things a man sober of a love so true would never do. Crazy acts of and for love I suppose. Its amazing what love can do to a person. Love. Its what I hold for you. And always will. Without choice. You see, because after wandering the lonely depths of my heart for so long, one day you came along.. and as I continued wandering.. I noticed a wall. Not a wall I've built out of fear of letting others in, but a wall which structures this heart; a wall which keeps me together. I noticed it in a light I had not seen before. As you came in, as you grew closer, this light ignited and spread like wildfire across the wall. And on this wall, an endless amount of words made themselves known. Engraved in stone. These words stood alone, with imagery and meaning, beautiful silhouettes of things only one could feel. But when they stood together, such words painted a mural one could only establish as supernatural. A haunting notion that something had known the love of my heart better than I, long before. Inexplicably comforting, nonetheless. With such amazement, I stood back and witnessed such work.  Like seeing yourself in your skin for the very first time, after only noticing the canyons and ridges it held, before. This was and is my love for you. Its written within me. A piece of who I am. This. What we have. Its something natural. Nothing forced. Nothing fed. An undying love, that seems to only have just begun.


When you leave, you take the light with you; taking all sight of everything I've come to know and understand of this love. I can feel it, this stern yet intricate wall, but I can't see it.. not when you're gone.


Stay, be my light, remind me of what builds my being; and I'll make sure to love you like no other. For its all that I am, its all that I hold: love, for everything you are.



Tuesday, January 24, 2012

blood, the very thing that binds

to spill ink is not to write of a person
not to steadily place words, crafty and sure
to spill ink is to bleed an emotion
or several
to spill ink is to bleed 
to move focus from one place to another
there is no intention to hold focus
on anything else but the beauty
of the situation
whether it lie magnificent 
or brutally broken
to spill ink claims that you see
claims that you feel
to spill ink
is to claim that you bleed


writers do not bandage their wounds

their bleeding emotions
with cloth
they watch, as all that they are
spills out, right before them
they do not focus on the pain
but merely what caused it
telling a story on a blank canvas
painting scenes with their blood
blood from their heart
and blood from their mind
blood, the very thing that binds
any of a poet's words
you'll ever seem to find



steady and stern, yet we yearn to learn

your love is a tree, deep inside
it comforts my heart
and teaches my mind
it's roots dig within me, only to find
that you'll always, and ever
only be mine



gauging tides

limp in learning
keen in understanding
lost in you
your eyes' tricks, play me thick
i run to the end of your page before its turned
gather what i can, lessons learned
only to catch my breath, for the next
the next wave of you
come crashing in
swallow me whole
i want you to taste what i'm made of
feel my soul



Sunday, January 22, 2012

girl who stands in yellow.

i'm standing in a green field under gray skies
she appears like lightening from the sky
behind me, she taps my shoulder
i turn
she swelters my heart with her presence
she speaks words, few
leaving me in question
as my mouth opens
she's gone as fast as she came
now here i am
standing in this green field under gray skies
looking up, feeling water weigh the air
i wait for her to come back
ponder if she will
and if so, what will i say?
what will she say/do?
will she stay this time? 
i'll wait
even if the weight of the sky rains down on me
i'll wait



soulless seas live undoubtably.

fasten my mind with the fears you hold
we'll embrace this together
fearless and bold
these edges mold
who we are
where is too far?



hours awake, silently stealing

hours awake, silently stealing
my sleep
the longer my mind wanders, the deeper you fall
buried into my subconscious
while i lie in worry
you're busy kissing the back of my mind
saving your place
saving me.
i awake this morning, only to feel the sheer comfort
of you.
i reminisce on the lives past lived
lives only the night could hold in acquaintance with my mind
and i remember, for a single moment
i was with you
holding you
i could feel the texture of your shirt against my face
the sweet scent of you, piercing my mind with allurement 
i know not where we were
or what we were doing
all i know is i was with you
for a moment
and a moment with you was all i needed.



Saturday, January 21, 2012


i remain bound in the seas of your being 

you seize my every thought
steal my every moment
and yet 
i'm okay with it
because when you breathe, i breathe
when i see, you see
we sway, together
like currents of wind above the ocean
quiet, yet these still voices speak
conversing between one another
dancing thoughts spill from our minds
our hearts
these whispers, only we know
these whispers, only we are
these whispers


bind me with the beauty of your heart, and i will give you my all
once more
let loose the love that once was, and take my hand
take my hand and dance with me
dance with me, my dear
until all color has drained from the sky
until we've lost all will to die
dance with me


Thursday, January 19, 2012

an indifferent silence

its that moment
that in between space
from breathing in
and breathing out
its that pause
that silence
of being
the moment when you are neither giving
nor taking



a deer driving the headlights.

the kiss you've placed upon my heart
burns longer than any kiss my lips could have held
you kiss my soul
let your looming eyes linger
letting mine fall inward
left anything but lifeless
your love entangles my mind in nets of wonder
in attempt for an understanding it might not catch
you simmer and sift your being within mine
just by being
be mine



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